Holding A Baby

Still that day, when I was quietly happy but as dizzy as dumb, the group of us were sitting on the grass in Hyde Park, there were a big crowd, people everywhere, which I like. The afternoon sun was bright and strong, and everyone in our group were getting a darker shade of shining tan on our faces.

Except the baby. Oh, yes, there was a baby, about 10 months old. There were actually two bigger ones as well, two and three years old, all girls. The two year old was the one I liked instantly, she has such a cute little face, with soft curly hair, and looked like a wild cat. But I don't think she liked me too much, as she's too busy running away from wherever we were, she just wanted to run away, seemed not be able to stay still for even one second.

I was chatting to the mother, and there was a moment when she seriously need to go get her two-year old from running wild, she asked me could I mind the baby for a moment.

A real baby, heavy and soft in my hands. Not crying. Seemed comfortable enough after I figured out how to carry her in my arms and on my lap. First ever experience in my life. Maybe because I was so unfit at that moment and felt the connection and vulnerability? Even at this moment, after a few days, when I am typing, I can still feel the strange feeling I had when I was holding the baby.

The baby wasn't crying as I expected (she later did natually). I got encouraged by the surprise and started to talk to her just as I normally do with a cat. And that was the moment when I idly looked up and I saw the eyes of the three year old girl - she was looking at me and the baby with such obvious envy and jealous and it made me proud that I must be doing a good job.

The mommy and daddy are both from Germany, daddy works and mommy stays home look after the two girls. I asked her, "will you stay in Australia forever?" She replied, "I don't think so, I feel very home sick."

And that was the most honest conversation I had with a Western woman in Sydney in a long time. I like her honesty and unpretentiousness, maybe because she is European. I haven't been back to Beijing for almost two years, and I miss Beijing so much, I miss the city that is so cosmopolitan and so alive and warm hearted. When I hear the same home sickness from someone who has a loving husband by her side and give her support, it made me feel so much better and less alone. And I am happy that the first baby I hold in my life is HER baby.

I also know that even though she is home sick, she is still happy most of the time. Just as I am.